


Thirteen Squads of Justice

by orphan_account



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, Angst, F/F, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 18:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4274274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories." -Narrator, Law and Order</p><p>Or</p><p>Police departments are generally well prepared organizations made up of people who respect the rules and strive to maintain order, both within and without.  The Rukongai Police Department? Not so much.</p><p>Drabbles range from humor to family to angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ichigo Kurosaki Reporting for Duty!

Title: Ichigo Kurosaki Reporting for Duty!  
Character(s): Ichigo Kurosaki, Ikkaku Madarame, Kenpachi Zaraki, Yachiru Kusajishi, Shunsui Kyōraku

Genre(s): Humor, Slight Friendship

When Ichigo is informed that he’s been promoted from patrolling to being a detective of the Rukongai Police Department, he does not celebrate, but instead begins praying with all of his might that he’s in any squad, _any_ squad that is neither the 12 th nor the 13th. He’s actually already positive that he can’t be accepted into the 12th since that’s the Technical Assistance Response Unit, and he has absolutely _none_ of the credentials required for that job, so he’s already managed to avoid working for Urahara (and still praises God for that every day). But that could still leave the 13 th, the Crime Scene Unit; it’s not like Ichigo actually had anything against them- he would just rather not have Rukia seeking him out everyday at work to call him a moron.

 

So, when the next thing he hears is that squad 5, the Cold Case Unit, is in desperate need of more detectives, he breathes a sigh of relief, mentally thanking the Big Guy upstairs. That is, until he actually walks into the 5th’s office. The place is completely empty when he enters.

 

“Hello?”

 

Some guy with black hair came meandering out of another room, looking at him expectantly.

 

“You must be Detective Kurosaki, right?”

 

Ichigo nods.

 

“You’re supposed to go up to squad 11 for introduction.”

 

With that, the other guy turned around and went right back to wherever the hell he came from. Ichigo didn’t quite know how to react, but went up to squad 11’s office anyways, it’s not like he had anything better to do.

 

When he got there, he soon realized that he should have prayed to not end up in squad 11. Ever. And he should have prayed for that fervently.

 

“Kenny! Kenny I think the new guy broke Baldy!”

 

 _Damn straight, the new guy broke Baldy_. But Ichigo refrains from saying that to the probably 10 year old child…. even though she’s already seen the wrestling match that occurred in the doorway to squad 11’s office a few seconds ago.

 

When a big guy (the damn biggest guy he’s ever seen) with an eyepatch and the most bloodthirsty grin he’s ever seen steps out of one of the other rooms, Ichigo doesn’t even question if he’s the captain or not, because, really, who the hell else could a guy this intimidating be? He does, however, question why _the fuck_ a captain of the _police force_ is wearing an _eyepatch_.

 

“See! I told ya Kenny! He broke Baldy!”

 

Ichigo winces when he realizes the scene that this “Captain Kenny” must be seeing: one of his detectives lying on the floor, clutching his broken nose and screaming curses at some rookie’s unborn grandchildren, and this kid jumping up and down, screaming about how the guy is now fucked up.

 

He’s fully prepared for the captain to tell him to get his ass out of the police force and never come back. Instead, the huge man’s lips pull back into what some would describe as a grin and some would rather, more specifically, classify as a serial killer’s grin.

 

“So ya kicked the littl’ bald bitch’s ass, huh?! Well, let’s go then!”

 

Ichigo did not come today prepared for a six and a half foot captain of the police force attempting to kill him. But he should have.

 

After the fight, Ichigo is somehow sticking out of the glass of the vending machine in the break room of the _eighth squad’s_ office, three floors down from the eleventh’s. Staring up at the ceiling, he can see the eleventh squad’s captain’s human-face-sized foot dangling from a hole that they created during the fight, sure that the ninth squad is just doing backflips at the fact that they can communicate with the eighth through a hole in their floor.

 

“Ha! That was one hell of a fight there new guy! What’s yer name?”

 

Turning away from the bag of Fritos that is blocking his mouth, he responds, “Ichigo Kurosaki, member of squad 5.”

 

“Screw the fifth kid. I’m puttin’ in the papers today, yer comin’ to the eleventh.”

 

Ichigo pales, and almost decides to slit his own throat with one of the shards of glass from the vending machine when a new voice interrupts, way too calm to be the that of the eleventh’s crazy-ass captain.

 

“You look like you’re having a rough day. Want something to cheer you up?”

 

The new detective looks up to see a smiling man looking down at him, as well as a bottle of alcohol held right in front of his face.

 

“I don’t drink.” After a minute, “Please don’t tell me you’re a captain too.”

 

The other man just kept smiling, “Eh, who cares about titles?”

 

Ichigo groans, and takes the drink because he needs it. And then, he spends the next three hours acquainting himself with his new office building, chasing down the transfer request that that psychotic eleventh squad captain _actually_ put in.


	2. The 10th's Anti-Alcohol Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When squad 10, the Internal Affairs Unit, decides that it has nothing better to do than to crack down on drunkenness in the workplace, most of the police force is sent scrambling to survive the “situation”.

Title: The 10th's Anti-Alcohol Mission  
Character(s): Tōshirō Hitsugaya, Izuru Kira, Yumichika Ayasegawa, Rangiku Matsumoto, Kenpachi Zaraki, Shūhei Hisagi, Renji Abarai, Tetsuzaemon Iba, Ikkaku Madarame, Shunsui Kyōraku, Genryūsai Yamamoto

Genre(s): Humor

The members of the Rukongai Police Department aren’t alcoholics or anything. It’s just that very few people in their entire building go through _100%_ of the day, _100%_ sober.

 

So when squad 10, the Internal Affairs Unit, decides that it has nothing better to do than to crack down on drunkenness in the workplace, most of the police force is sent scrambling to survive the “situation”.

 

The most successful smuggler to rise amongst the officers is, surprisingly, the second-in-command/temporary captain of squad 3, Izuru Kira; sweet, polite, _innocent_ Kira, who most believe does not have a single rebellious bone in his body, has snuck in gallons of sake by flashing his  _scarily_ good puppy face at the detectives of the 10th and creating a 30 mile radius of sheer pity around him.

 

Closely following behind the not-so-innocent Kira is Yumichika Ayasegawa of squad 11, who quickly learned that Captain Hitsugaya is not _one-eightieth_ as receptive to his flirting as most of Rukongai PD is. The black-haired demon has much more up his sleeve than his self-proclaimed “beauty of the gods” though, and he rapidly produces another plan: pointing out the location where his partner, Ikkaku Madarame, is hiding the booze that he is going to attempt to sneak in that day. And then gracefully walking into the office building when the 10 th’s officers are all attempting to subdue his violently resisting partner.

 

The third most successful smuggler is Rangiku Matsumoto, who is second-in-command of _squad 10 itself_. Hiding dozens of bottles in her enormous breasts, she is able to pull the “pat-these-babies-down-and-maybe-find-a-couple-measly-bottles-of-alcohol-or-lose-your-career-to-sexual-harassment-charges” argument without even having to say anything, and practically flies by the doors to the building, seemingly unaware of her captain’s sudden plotting to murder her.

 

Right behind Matsumoto is Kenpachi Zaraki, who ends up just walking through the doors of the building, holding several large sake containers. Nobody is suicidal enough to protest, and Captain Hitsugaya does not particularly want to deal with the paperwork that is bound to come with one of his subordinates having a heart attack.

 

Moderately successful is Shūhei Hisagi, second-in-command/temporary captain of squad 9. At first, the poor man tries to sneak his sake in in his coffee cup, which proves to be a great failure and leaves him with a huge stain in the middle of his pants when Ikkaku goes batshit crazy and tries to kill the squad 10 members taking away his alcohol. He then tries to use Matsumoto’s boobs for his smuggling, only to find out that they are already taken. At that point, he discovers that Kira has been getting in unnatural amounts of booze, and just starts mooching from him.

 

Renji Abarai, second-in-command of squad 6, just barely screeches by. It turns out that his captain, Byakuya Kuchiki, has provided the red-haired detective with one glass of sake each day since he first started as a way of subtly bribing him to actually stay in the sixth and put up with all of his bullshit. So when the “alcohol crisis” hits, Renji manages to limit himself to a single glass. Two, if one were to count the extra serving he risks his life to steal everyday when his captain goes home for lunch.

 

Second-in-command of the 7th, Tetsuzaemon Iba, is forced to quit drinking at work cold turkey, and he takes out three of the walls in his squad’s office, as well as fifty of its members before he decides to take the rest of the week off.

 

Ikkaku, the poor fucker, has still not deduced that his partner is selling him out everyday.

 

Apparently, the entirety of squad 11 has begun bringing in huge amounts of “juice” “for Yachiru”.

 

But there’s one detective who does not attempt to smuggle _anything_ throughout the entire week, yet still remains completely pissed. Despite at least half of the members of the 10 th patting him down everyday (the other half busy dealing with Ikkaku) to search for alcohol, and his own second-in-command scouring his office for offending bottles, nobody is able to stop the menace that is known as Captain Shunsui Kyōraku of squad 8.

 

Chief Yamamoto hears about the outcome of squad 10’s newest operation on the fifth day of the week, and he truly fears that this will be the end of the Rukongai Police Department. After all, the eleventh squad is _dangerously_ close to actually sharing some of their “juice” with Yachiru, recent department physicals show that half of the detectives of squad 10 now have high blood pressure, and it seems that Captain Hitsugaya is disturbingly prepared to murder his second-in-command.

 

So when said captain comes to the Chief and informs him that he’s decided that it is in the best interest of the force to abandon this operation, the older man solemnly agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologize for any inaccuracies in this chapter. I also just wanted to let you know that these all stand separately from each other (unless otherwise stated) and follow no particular order. Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to do this; Bleach fits way too well into this AU to pass up the idea! That said, I apologize for the many inaccuracies that are likely to pop up about the police.


End file.
